Jetback Are . . . . .
Salisbury based Rock covers band
Barney Lawrence - Bass
Barney is one of the only two band members to avoid the British Justice system to date. The illegitimate love child of Oliver Reed and Jimmy Crankie, he has been in Jetback since the age of 4. His love of music and Ladies underwear is legendary and he has fathered over 40 children. A keen reader and subscriber to "Guns and Ammo" his hobbies include mud wrestling, morris dancing and deer stalking. He is a regular and extremely enthusiastic visitor to the grouse moors of the Scottish highlands where he spends many weekends sporting his harris tweed suit and carrying a pair of Purdey's. Barney enjoys the socialite lifestyle and his rumoured romances with Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian have made him something of a tabloid darling. Often seen in the most swanky London highspots (mostly horizontal) He owns a very extensive collection of "under the counter DVD's" aquired on his frequent trips to Hamburg. An amateur novelist he is currently working on his 8th book "A concise history of Ladies underpants"
Chris Tait - Guitar
Born to wealthy Chinese parents Chris left the Family home in Beijing and moved to London England to pursue a career in acting. His father a prominent figure in the noodle manufacturing business was initially heartbroken, as Chris was the sole heir to his massive noodle empire, but he soon realised that no amount of noodles could persuade Chris to come home to China. He was an overnight acting success and appeared in many films thought the 70's. Following his many supporting roles Chris left the porn industry and began a new career in farming but while his attempts to cross breed a Jersey cow and a chicken were noteworthy his ultimate dream of beef flavoured omelettes was never realised and after a lengthy investigation carried out by the ministry of food and agriculture, he was banned from keeping livestock. Apart from playing guitar in Jetback, Chris also runs a cozy bar and brothel in Somerset.
Keith-Vaughn Evans - Drums
Born in July 1864 to Welsh Immigrants, Keith lived in a shallow ditch next to the A303 for many years until discovered by a kindly local Taxidermist called "Agnes" who later sold him for 15s and 6d to a band of Gypsy's. With only small bunches of lucky heather to eat he made his escape into a nearby sewer. It was here that he learned of the workings of raw sewage and his fascination for it lead him to his current occupation. A keen amateur gynaecologist his obsession with ladies "down below bits" is more than slightly disturbing and after his application to join the Gynaecological department at Guy’s and St Thomas’ Hospital was flatly refused he has taken up drumming. Following a recent restraining order and his pending trials for fraud and conduct likely to cause a breach of the peace, he has been noticeably absent from Jetback's shows. He is currently He is currently married and is believed to be living with Mrs. Vaughn-Evans somewhere in the Mediterranean.
John Tait - Vocals
Best known for his stunning vocal work during his days with "Take That" as Robbie Williams stunt double, John left to work as a deck chair attendant on Skegness pleasure beach. Following a complaint to the local Police from a very plump Lady, who claimed John got a "bit too personal" while trying to untangle her from a collapsed deck chair, John relocated back to Penzance borstal his former home until his last arrest and conviction for unscheduled maintenance work inside a ladies public toilet. Like Mr. Vaughn Evans John shares a passion for the great outdoors which is unfortunate as he's now rather prevented from going too far away. You can write to John at HMP Wandsworth, London.
Please take comfort in the fact that John is occasionally released for Jetback gigs if accompanied by seasoned Prison Officers. We will soon replace John's pic with one of him sporting his lovely new hat, never let it be said that we don't keep y'all updated on the hot news eh?
Andy Boulton Guitar/Vocals
Born and raised in a very dilapidated garden shed situated in the grounds of his parents Buckinghamshire mansion, Andy was finally allowed an hours access to the house on his 30th Birthday. One of the servants took pity on him often coaxing Andy to "sit on his lap and jiggle about a bit" After a while "Uncle Alf" fed him slops originally destined for the estates pig farm and as soon as he had enough strength to strum a guitar he taught Andy the chords to 'Barbie Girl' by Aqua. From that day on Andy was destined to remain obscure and unloved. Shunned by all that met him he sank into a deep depression and his battle with Ringworm and leprosy combined with poor sales of his only 2 albums "Please Stop Punching Me" and "No Birthday Cards Again" lead to his further slump into alcoholism. His eventual caution for "lewd conduct" in the grounds of a local convent school came as a huge relief to the Mother Superior who described him to the Police as an "oily little tick". Easily recognisable by his shaved purple head (a result of years of Gentian Violet Solution ringworm treatment) She easily picked him from the Police line-up. In Jetback Andy has finally found a band who don't despise him totally and have kindly agreed to share a stage or 2 with him. He currently lives in a disused chicken coup which he shares with the comic legend and philosopher Syd Little.
Some quotes from our many satisfied clients!
"I missed an evening watching Swan Lake at the Royal Ballet to watch this shower! BTW anyone know why Ballet dancers always stand on their tip toes? Can't they just get taller ones?"
Johnathan Miller
"Their representative called me a sour-faced c---"
Dame Judy Dench
"I must have nodded off . . . apparently I didn't miss much"
Joe Biden
"Lizzy and I booked them for a Garden Party we were having at the Palace. They drank the bloody place dry before it started . . . wretched peasants!"
HRH. Prince Phillip
"5 of them spent most of the evening trying to molest the strippers! Apparently, you can get done for that?"
Donald Trump
"As far as I'm concerned they've done very little for diplomatic relations with China, but they do a shit-hot cover of AC/DC's Highway to Hell so that's fairly positive"
Henry Kissinger
"Can any of them tell me if it's possible to construct, in the mathematically rigorous framework of algebraic QFT, a theory in 4-dimensional spacetime that includes interactions and does not resort to perturbative methods in Quantum Field theory? If not I couldn't care how great their songs are"
Stephen Hawking
"Who are they?"
Sir Roger Penrose OM FRS
"I woz at school wiv one of 'em . . . . I fink?"
Gyles Brandreth
WOW! What a distinguished list of satisfied customers. Why not add your name to the ist and book the fabulous Jetback? Please call Chris Tate on 07900850735 or do the email thing below . . . .